just call me bubble-butt

or, bubble-gum-butt to be precise.

When I got dressed this morning, I though to myself, hell, why not, wear your good 'going-for-an-interview' garb. Not that I was going for an interview, there are just some days when it pays to look smart. Maybe it's a self-esteem thing, I dunno. But TODAY was ONE OF THOSE DAYS. So here I am, avec white shirt, waistcoat, good pants. oh yeah... I look gooooood...

And then I sat in chewing gum... could be bubble gum, not sure, I didn't want to check the flavour of it. Especially because it's located in that particular spot that is right between the cheeks, oh yes, it is in seam-land.
I look like I crapped my pants. (Lime-green crap to be sure.)

And there aint nothin' I can do about it until I get home.

GODDAMN IT. TODAY, OF ALL DAYS WHEN I HAVE A TRILLION F#*%KING MEETINGS I LOOK LIKE I CRAPPED MY PANTS.

Had to spend an inordinate amount of time this morning picking my butt in a disgustingly concentrated sphincter-fondling sort of way. And every time I get off a chair I have a velcro-moment. All I need now is someone to write 'kick me' on my white shirt and quite possibly shave off one of my eyebrows.